By: Ms. O
A message to my kids…news flash…I am flawed. I can’t pretty it up….pretend it’s not true…look the other way.
Sorry, Doug…you seemed to have inherited my inclination to want things…perfect. This came to light when you were in second grade and your teacher called me in. She wanted to discuss the standardized testing that was quickly approaching. I was horrified that she was implying that you were not capable of doing the work…not the case….but it’s probably worse. By mid year she knew you …your tendency to not want to leave things unfinished…so she knew you would not want to leave a blank space on the paper. She asked my help to tutor you to “move on”…help you to understand that you would not know it all…it’s okay…don’t stop. I agreed…but in the back of my mind…all I could think of was…”give me the questions…and we will start tutoring”…ugh.
Mandy Kay…when you were little I knew I had met my match…my “Waterloo”. My own stubbornness was coming head to head…with yours. I was called in by your second grade teacher…I see a pattern here…to discuss an “issue” she was having. She had moved your desk up next to hers…hoping to keep you “under control”. BTW…I spent a lot of school days in that same place…oh my. She was very concerned over the fact that you felt it necessary to “take over”…run the class. I grimaced….thinking of the many situations that I find myself in thinking…”If they would only ask me, I could help them run this…”
I think the most heart-wrenching flaw that I know you have both seen is my struggle with the Lord. I know that God is more than capable of taking on my gnat like fights I pick with Him…that is not what I worry about. What concerns me is what you two take away from my Jacob-like wrestling matches that go on time and time again.
I heard a statement lately that truly hit home to me….and it has me forlornly wishing I had done things differently……
“Are you the adult you want your child to be?”
If that is the case….my kids are doomed. Sorry Doug…I apologize Mandy. When I look back…the choices I made…the cracks that kept me from being an example that I would want you to emulate…it grieves my soul. My only redemption….the solace I seek…is in God’s perfect (yes, PERFECT) Word.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:1-2
I wish I had been a better example for you two…thought beyond my own struggles…but then again….this my story….flaws and all. God does not condemn me…He dusts me off to set me free. I need to let this go…what is done is done…I can’t change the past…and better than that…God has the final word. He can do amazing things with my screw-ups…I have seen it time and time again….especially when I look at you both. Truth be told, He continues to work in me. That is the adult I want you both to “be”….a work in progress. Hind sight is twenty-twenty…looking forward takes the ability to look through God’s lens and know He has this covered…especially my flaws…and will continue working in you both. One day…when you are raising my grandchildren… that sound like music to my ears…you will be walking this same road…so let’s start with me…with the assurance that His life has set us free to be….more! With God’s love…Ms. O