No more useful moves detected…

Written by: Ms. O

I am not a Candy Crush girl…or Farmville…or whatever game that I am currently being requested to play. I want to say “like” to the person that posted the picture requesting that no one send any game requests…but I thought that was somewhat harsh. I just hit “ignore”…with love of course. I will admit though…I am an old school game person…as in something I wonder if youth still play…solitaire…as in spider solitaire. It keeps me occupied…I truly want to win…but I lose…more times than I win.

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I get to a certain point…when I am on the losing side…where I find myself more times than not…and I am desperate to see if there is a move that I missed out on. There is a “hint” button…that I resist while I play the game…cause I don’t want help…I want to do it on my own…until all my options are gone. There are not many occasions…that I get a hint…instead I get this read out… “no useful moves detected”…and I know….I’m done.

I can’t help but think how this relates to my life. I am not one who easily accepts help. I want to do it on my own. I know a lot of it has to do with pride. I don’t want to think that I am not capable. It is totally crushing to have to admit…that I have no useful moves left. That I need help.

I have painted rooms by myself….involving tall ceilings…and a lot of trim work. I have moved furniture…heavier than I should be shoving around…by myself. I do repairs around my house…hoping I can decipher the directions…either the written ones…or the one dictated to me by that not so helpful Home Depot guy….so it gets done…by myself. I do my own yard work….take care of the shrubs…and the flower beds…please don’t look at them now…I am expecting a written notice any day now from the POA…without help…it’s all me. (Believe me…you can tell.)

I have come upon things that I am not able to do…that I have to admit defeat…and it kills me. Doug came in town about a month ago…and I gave him my “I can’t do it, can you?” list…which he did. I have had to ask for help…and it goes against my grain…makes me feel like I am lacking….in some ridiculous way.

I am sure that God shares in this frustration…as He watches me…because He did not create me this way. I truly believe that when God created man, He left a void in each of us that only He can fill. In that void is the capability of doing great things…but only with Him leading. I try to work around it…make it on my own…wanting to “prove” to God that He made me mighty and strong…but that is not want His desire is.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

His desire is not to go it alone…what does that prove to anyone? He created me so that I can do great things…for and with Him. It is in those times…when I turn it over to Him…that it is made abundantly clear that it is all Him…and not much of me…that He is glorified. It is Christ in me that does great things. He takes a broken vessel…damaged goods…a person that has failed many times over…and redeems…me. He makes me whole again…so that I KNOW Him…that there is no doubt in my heart…and head…that calling on Him is not a sign of weakness….not at all. It is a proclaiming my trust in “someone” so much more…who takes delight in the fact that I rely on Him…and I feel like His only “complaint” with me…is…why do I wait so long? Ugh. Why do I try so hard…without Him…until I have “no useful moves left”…oh my.

So my prayers will be amped up…to “check myself”…and my pride…at the door. To turn to Him first…with all my human frailties…and shortcomings…and realize that life is not meant to fight as an uphill battle…but more like a hand in Hand adventure…never alone…never. Amen to that, God…can you lend me a Hand…now…and always? Ms. O