And__oh

Written by: Ms. O

“And oh, I’m running to Your arms…I’m running to Your arms…The riches of Your love…Will always be enough…Nothing compares to Your embrace…Light of the world forever reigns.”

I simply love that song. It sings to my soul and gives me a picture that is so vividly real. Perhaps it is the vision of running to…and not from…that speaks to a part of me that I have always been fearful of.

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I think about when I was young…and so “in loathe” with myself. I ran from my own image. Sadly…I still do. Mirrors have never been my friend. Perhaps there was a time that I would gaze at myself with hope…and self-satisfaction…but I don’t remember. I ran away from looking….catching a glimpse of what I did not like. I have become adept at getting ready without a mirror…it is easier that way…so I don’t have to “look”…really look…at…me. I…run…away. It keeps me from remembering how dissatisfied I am…which I know is hurtful to God…since He created me…but it is something I am still working on.

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I ran from the home I grew up…way too early…into a marriage that should have waited for a few more years. I did not care that I did not have a college degree…or plans for a vocation…all I thought was….get me out of here. What “here” was did not matter…it was not what I wanted at the time. So off I ran…a young 18 year old girl…with really no future to run to…just a past that I wanted to leave behind.

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As my kids grew older…the realization set in…they were growing up…and away…from me. I did not like to think about it…what it meant to me to be…an “inactive mom”…a mom “from a distance”. I spent a majority of my time running from that fact….by over doing it…trying to be whatever they needed me to be…and I wonder if that was a good thing. Something I will have to ask them…one day…when I am ready.

I have never really figured out what I am supposed to do…with  my life. Perhaps it it because I have run so much…so fast…that I have lost my vision of who I am. Or worse than that…Whose I am.

It is when I hear the words to that song, I am reminded that there is “something”….. “Someone”…in front of me…with open arms…waiting for me to notice Him…and make that move towards…..Him. As I sing that song, I can truly picture myself RUNNING into His arms…seeking shelter…acceptance…truth…and the ability to live fully and abundantly.

It reminds me of those “welcome home videos” that you see…where the person goes running full steam into the arms of the one they have missed…without hesitation…without reserve….without looking behind them.

That will be my focus now…not what I am running from..but more like what I am running to…My Father…My Savior…My Heart.

“The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe.” Proverbs 18:10

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It is time for me to RUN to the Lord…into His arms…knowing He is simply…waiting…for….me.  Ready or not…oh wait…You are always ready…it’s me that is not…here I come…Amen…

Ms. O