Written By: Rhonda Sue Page
When I was a kid….it was cleaning my room. SO HARD!
Frankly, I didn’t see the need. I’d love to tell you that’s all changed for me as an adult, but the truth is…….my creative side makes messes faster than my more mature, sensible side can clean them up.
Seriously, Hobby Lobby is pretty close to Heaven for me. I’m pretty sure that’s where they pipe the music in from. (Name one other store you can hum along with abandon to “How Great Thou Art”.)
Anyhoo, at least twice a month my dear husband walks in and gets that torn look about him. It’s as if he’s unsure whether to kiss me hello or start picking up after me. It’s cruel of me to test him this way. I should better watch the time and be more sensitive to his need for an uncluttered reentry to his castle.
But that’s partly what so very hard…..creative people don’t watch the clock. It’s a bit like surfing. You don’t control the wave……you ride it…..and pray no one “drops in” on you cuz things can get real ugly real fast.
“Did you ask me if you could use my scrapbooking supplies for paper airplanes Matthew Austin Page?” “Well, did ya?”
“Put the glue gun down, and step away……so nobody gets hurt” “I don’t care that it’s not plugged in!”
“Did you not see Mommy in the middle of painting something Honey?………Go ask Daddy where the bandaids are.”
When I was a kid it was also hard on me to move and lose friends. We moved around a lot, so I never went through school with just a core group of kids. I went to a three different primary schools – one private, two public. Then onto two different middle schools, and two different high schools. I made friends easily enough…….it just seemed I couldn’t keep them. (In that social way that matters most to kid looking for their identity and fit in life). That didn’t change much for me as an adult either. James and I averaged a move every three years when our children were younger.
These transitions and uprootings are very hard. If not handled properly, you can come to a place where you begin to feel completely compromised. I believe this occurs more often when your identity comes in to question. Who you are and what you bring of value to each new social setting, greatly determines your self-worth. We place so much time and effort carving out these spaces that starting over can leave us feeling burnt out and used up.
Knowing who you are in Christ is the only way I found to permanently put to rest this idea of “being good enough, smart enough, creative enough, fast enough, rich enough, pretty enough”…..the list is endless. The fact that God created me and is pleased with what He created…..is enough. When I accept His offer of forgiveness…I am enough. Not just enough…..more than enough. In exchange He freely gives His Spirit to help me be all that I need to be….…ESPECIALLY when the hard stuff hits.
I finally got James to settle down for the long haul. He’s promised no more moves til the kids are out of school. I’d love to tell you this has utterly destroyed the need to say “goodbye” ever again. It hasn’t. Unfortunately, my friends haven’t struck the same deal with their husbands yet. (Yep…talking right at ya Joles & ShellBell.)
Even if they had, I can’t buffer myself from these hard things. There’s no insulation deep enough. Children grow up, loved ones pass away and time marches on. I have to let go of the constant self-protecting and trust God use hard things to make me glorious for Him.
Maybe by now you can trust me enough to hear me when I say that NOT doing so will lead you to a sad, shriveled up version of yourself…..God never intended for you to become. I wish I could tell you I didn’t have to learn that the “hard” way.
But I seem bent on it 😉