Written by: Ms. O
There are many things I can be envious about. It is part of our human nature…and I can’t help myself. I eventually find contentment but it has to be worked out.
Anyone who has good hair…I look with covetous eyes…wondering why in the world I got short changed. Both my sisters got great thick hair. Me?…you could read a newspaper through it. It is thin…fly away…and never goes where I want it to. I see people with cute up-do’s and I wonder if I will ever acquire enough hair to do that…realistically? Not in my lifetime. (I wonder if I will have good hair in Heaven…hmmm.)
I always envy women who can wear heels…there is definitely something wrong with the way my body works. It….just…can’t….handle…heels. I try…I really do…but I can’t last. I barely walk the length of the room and I am clawing at these forms of torture to get them…off. What does not help is that I’m short…height challenged…but it is not worth the pain height enhancers inflicts.
But there is one way that I am in a place that I feel that I should be envied…along with every other woman who has experienced pregnancy. This is something we are allowed to experience that no man will ever get the chance to…and I feel sad for you…men.
I will never forget the first time I felt both of my children move within my stomach. It starts with a flutter… I stood as still as I could….in hopes that it would happen again…and again. As a woman I got to feel life…. turning… kicking… hiccuping…making it known to me that my child was awake. I remember lying in bed at night and following the movements of my babies…as they fought for comfort in their tight confines. I treasure those times. As a mom you feel those moments….first…it is like a secret love…between mother and child.
I think those are some of the most precious times I have ever had with my babies…..I have not even held them ….yet…..but the love I have for them is overwhelming.
I think this is the closest I will ever come to understanding God’s prevenient love for me…that He knew me before I was ever born…and loved me. Before I heard my child’s voice for the first time…saw their beautiful blue eyes….held them in my arms…I loved them. It is crazy to think about…this love for the unseen…so hard to understand. This love began with awe…wonder…humility…and it grows along with your baby. It is almost bittersweet when you give birth because you will never be “that close” again.
Maybe what is so incredible about it is that the love you pour into your unborn child is not reciprocated as they spend time in the womb…it is a love you give to them…without expecting anything in return. I got swollen ankles…sleepless nights…the necessity of having to know where the every bathroom is located…not being able to see your toes for last two months…and dread the weigh in as the skinny nurse clucked her tongue as the numbers rose. But as I rubbed my humungous belly, I would whisper words of love to my child…speaking aloud my dreams for them…my fears of not being the mom they need me to be…but knowing that if love can cover a multitude of short comings…I had a blanket-sized love that could cover the world.
I would not trade those experiences for anything…because from the day they are born…we have to share our children…and I don’t begrudge that at all…it takes a village to raise kids…but they are not solely “yours” anymore. Before they were born the only One I had to share them with was God…but I think He was prepping me,,,..as He spoke words of wonder in my heart…reminding me that even though He knew me well before I made my entrance into this world… He freely shared me…so that His hope in me would be realized as I interacted with the world.
I know both my kids have far exceeded my plans for them. I look at them in amazement and wonder…and feel God’s nudging my shoulder…proclaiming His promise to me that He is faithful in answering my prayers. If I prayed anything for my kids…from before they were born up until…oh say…today…and then tomorrow…is that they would have a growing relationship with God that would mark their days. I look at both of them and know that because I shared them with the world…their faith grew…expanded…and still takes on new meaning each day. On this Mothers Day…and every day…I thank you God for the gift of being a mom…and these 28 and 31 years…plus nine months for each….because my loved began as soon as You made them known to me…