The “new” is here…once again…

Written by: Ms. O

There is something about Spring that triggers in me a sense of melancholy. You would think I would be all “Sound of Music” dancing around with the trees budding new life…grass greening up…flowers poking out everywhere…signs of new life.

I can celebrate all that “wonderful”…but along with the appreciation of new…comes the missing.

I miss growing up in a not-so-big house with a more than average sized family. Five kids and two parents…throw in two dogs…and we were busting at the seams. I miss sharing a room with my sister….my little brother tagging along after me….a dining table where we sat elbow to elbow…and the ability to fill a station wagon.

I truly don’t remember many times that I would be the only person home…maybe not until I was a teenager, and the majority of my siblings were gone. With a full house came the necessity of getting along. We knew we had to share space….in peace…lest we upset our mom…which would upset our dad…big mistake. I never thought about having it any other way…it was a way of life…and one I miss.

One of my biggest aches is that my kids have grown up…and moved on…as they should…but I can’t help but miss the past. You spend so much time investing in their lives…pouring yourself into everything they are…and one day…it changes… never to be the same. I miss cuddling with a sweet smelling baby…kissing boo boo’s…hearing them come in from school…going to school activities for them…watching them get ready for prom…graduation…and then college. How does this happen…where does the time go…and does the missing ever stop?

I have lived in some pretty amazing…and not so much…locations in my life. Being married to someone in the oil field meant we were guaranteed to move…never getting too comfortable…for too long. Each location had brought to me some pretty awesome people…whether it was the long time we spent in West Texas…aka the end of the world…long enough in Colorado to have my second child…or the too short of time in Louisiana…just to name a few. It is the people that  marked the location for me. God blessed me in each town with friends…that not just passed the time…but more so marked it for me. I miss those faces…the familiar for that period in my life…those treasured gifts.

Probably most of all, I miss when times were simpler. Go ahead…make fun of me…I truly don’t care…cause it’s truth. I miss knowing the line-up for the Phillies, which stayed the same for what seemed like ions…and sitting on the first base line to watch my favorite players play my favorite sport. I miss having a bowl of ice cream and not worrying the sugar/calorie/fat content….which when it is reduced down to what is good for you…does not taste as good. I miss board games…ones you did not have to plug in or watch on your TV…the ones that had game pieces that people fought over for the right color or…when it came to Monopoly…getting the thimble first. I miss Sunday drives that truly had no destination in mind…simply a journey…an adventure.  I wonder what made it all change? Life?…or me…moving on…growing up…and away from the blessings in search of something…better. Ugh.

“You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.” (2 Corinthians 9:11)

This is what I take from this sort of sad feeling that grips me this time of the year…each and every year. Paul nailed it when he wrote this passage about generosity…of how we will be known by how we live our lives…for others. I know the things I miss…I miss because they enriched my life…and I did not appreciate them enough…when I was living them. I grew into who I am because of those people…memories…snatches of time…but I don’t stay there. I was given those love offerings so that I could learn to be kind….patient (for the most part)…and accepting. I was shown love…more than I ever deserved…and I am called to step out of that shadow…and make some shade of my own…for others. I can’t say I will ever stop that missing…but that’s okay…God planted those things in my heart…but I also know I’m called to keep moving…in His direction.

Hello Spring…it’s me again…let’s do the new…

Ms. O.