Written by: Ms. O
With Valentine’s Day looming on the horizon, the first thought that comes to my mind is Tina Turner belting out “What’s love got to do it?”…because for the most part…the “I’m not part of a couple ” part…I want to wail out those lyrics in anger as I shake my fist at the “love god” who passes over me…consistently. I despise the commercials for dating sites…..jewelry stores….flower companies…chocolate distributors…you get the picture. Don’t get me wrong….I am all about committed relationships….I pray for my friends who are couples, that their relationships/marriages will grow in Christ…but for me….it is my reminder…my failing…what I lack, “who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?”…sing it, Tina, cause I sure am…really loud.
In my head I know that being a “partner” does not define me. I don’t think God is punishing me for decisions I made in my rebellious youth…the “I know best God, so you gotta make this work” kind of choices….which of course did not work out quite how I planned them to. I know that being in a committed relationship does not “complete me”. One reason why I cannot watch Jerry McQuire (sorry folks that love that movie) is because the whole “you complete me” makes me want to gag. I know that my completeness comes from God…not from Joe Perfect….and within that, I can be a complement to someone else….not a completion.
So as I wallow in my self-absorbed pity party…..feeling like I need to start a Bridget Jones type diary…my thoughts are directed elsewhere. I know it was not “planned” this way…at least on my part….but years ago Valentine’s Day became bumpered by two celebrations. My son Doug was born the 13th…my daughter Mandy the 16th…and then the woman my son married, Lianne, has a birthday on the 10th …adding one more bookend. My children do not complete me…again that comes from God, but more so, they are the reminders of the great love that I have been blessed with. When I get a visual in my head of February 14th…the day dedicated to love…my eyes are drawn to what surrounds that day…the 10th…13th …and 16th… giving me what has got to be the closest to what I could ever imagine is what God’s love is like.
“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will the enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death: my enemy will say, ‘I have overcome him,’ and my foes will rejoice when I fail. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.” Psalm 13:1-6
My heart hurts for David as I read his heart felt plea to God…as he questions if God is listening…wondering how long this suffering will go on…and I find myself in David’s shoes…sandals…whatever…wondering the same thing.
It is in those moments that God gives light to my eyes…draws my line of vision to those “days” that surround the 14th…and am reminded just how good He truly is to me.
Love has EVERYTHING to do with it, Tina…because of His great love…I truly know what love is…Happy Valentine’s Day…to me. Amen.