Written by: Amy Dalke
The Monday post is cut short this week for a couple of reasons, one of which is not as serious as the first. Yet I feel as though I need a back-up excuse in case the first, truest one doesn’t work for you…maybe the second one will.
First and foremost, I am still trying to digest some significant events and decision points that have come to a head over the last week. You know those times when you hear Robert Frost, in a Morgan Freeman-like voice, pointing out two roads diverging in a yellow wood? Or more specifically, the word of God collides with the Spirit within you so loudly…that the truth makes your gut ache, your body chill, and your heart leap into your throat?
Yes, just like that.
Secondly, your Monday post is missing because I went to a Women’s Retreat this weekend. If that statement alone does not substantially justify the absence of a well-planned, meaningful post, there is a 50% chance you are not a female.
Here’s a hint: I stayed up way past my bedtime, doing crazy things like going to Buc-ee’s for decaf coffee at 11:30pm (life just gets wilder once you pass year 35). We sang songs from the seventies that I will never admit to singing, for fear of diminishing my cool factor. (As if I had one!). AND…my iPhone took a deadly dive into the toilet, which officially brings me to a All-Time Apple Fail record of six damaged, broken, replaced products in the last twenty months.
But who is counting (except Larry)?
Lastly, I thought I might get arrested for breaking and entering. Before someone on our pastoral staff has a panic attack, I didn’t actually break and enter into anything. I did, however, frantically open doors and cabinets that may or may not have been mine to open, in a desperate search for coffee at 6:00 am on Sunday morning. (For the record, I was successful without being caught. Until now.) (For the other record, this could be a sign that I have a need for coffee that is otherwise referred to as addiction.)
But back to the first excuse…
I’m facing a “Do I?” or “Don’t I?” kind of thing right now. Quite frankly, I am not one to readily, fearlessly, eagerly, and-joyfully embrace obedience. This decision point has stared me in the eyeballs no less than three times since 2010. That may not seem frequent to you, but when it is one of those fear-inducing, daring presentations, that shakes you to the core, then, more than once is quite enough. Unless you’re stubborn, and God (in his wonderful patience), brings it up three times. It’s like I have a mix of Jonah’s rebellion and Moses’ straight up doubt. I almost wish This Situation looked more like a “Which choice is Better versus Best: Door A or Door B?”
Unfortunately (or fortunately) for my ripped up soul, it’s shaping up to be more like a “Do I believe God, or don’t I?” situation. I bet you’ve been there yourself.
When God nudges me…and then nudges again…and then finally has to GET RIGHT UP IN MY BUSINESS, I don’t naturally throw my hands up with a string of hallelujahs, spout off Jesus answers, and peacefully follow hard into his directives.
Sometimes, I go down swinging.
This is only after God (graciously) chases me for a time…until he finally finds me in a place where I have nothing to do but listen. Because, hello, this Women’s Retreat wasn’t a crafting vacation. It was a space perfectly carved out by God, on his timeline…for me to face a thing head-on. (Not to mention that my beloved phone had taken a terrible fall into a toilet…so I did not even have the Candy Crush for distraction. There comes a time when God is done kidding around.)
So…this is all why I have fewer than 824 words for you on this fine Monday. Because sometimes God just leaves me speechless…so that maybe I’ll listen to him.
But I’m pretty sure that will ultimately give me more to say.
p.s. and I did not even talk about how I successfully applied make up, in a light-less room, in the wee hours of the pitch black morning (at the late hour of 7:00 AM, for crying out loud!). I’m so happy my slumber-enjoying friends accept this annoying morning person.