Pen versus pencil…

Written by: Ms. O

I am a pen person – but not just any pen. I am pretty specific when it comes to the style I like, and for the purpose in which I use it.

For my everyday writing, I use the Pilot G-2 07 pen…it HAS TO BE 07…there is a difference. The 07 flows…it has just the right amount of ink…and it makes me happy. When I write in my Bible (yes, my Bible has plenty of scribbling) noting scripture passages preached on and studied…I use fine line Sharpies…in a variety of colors…which is mainly the fault of the pastors over the years. If they did not all preach on the same passage I would not have to change color of ink…but when the same teaching is used, I need to make sure I know who said what.

The crazy thing about this is with my OCD’ness of not liking to make mistake. A pen should be the last thing I should be using.  There have been plenty of occasions that I have written a letter…gotten to the end of the page…made a mistake…and had to start all over again. I don’t like to scribble out my mistake and move on. It is like a plague…it grows nastier in my eyes…and I just have to do it over again.

These are the times I know I should be a “pencil” person….so that I could easily erase my error…and move on. I don’t know why I’m not more prone to the pencil….it’s not like I’m anti-lead/graphite. I used to be in art classes, and I loved pencil drawings. I love the Impressionism period because the lines became blurred and not so “exact”. Why I am hung up on pens…something so permanent and final…eluded me for years.

When I became a practicing Christian I began to understand the importance of mistakes. Now before you, as a parent of one of my youth, yank your child out of my ministry thinking I am advocating making mistakes…let me explain. Over the years (in hindsight of the mistakes I have made) I have realized that those mistakes have grown me into a grace filled life.

I have made mistakes…plenty of them…but there is no scratching out…or pretending like they never happened.  God knows…as well I as do…that I messed up…in my humanness…in my pursuit of my “own way”.  I think though what amazes me more than anything is God’s response to my failings.

Each time I come to Him with my messed up paper…my chicken scratches of mistakes…He takes that paper from me…and wipes it clean….just as if it is in pencil.

The ink of it all is indelible…in my eyes and for me…but with Him it is different. God looks past those marks…and instead sees me….a creature He created and loves. It is not a free ride. He wants me to learn from my mistakes…not by covering them up…but by exposing it to both our eyes…so that He can re-scribe my page with His grace filled Hand.

The only ink that God wants to remain permanent is this reminder in 2 Corinthians 3:2-3:

You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.”

I am His letter…His word inscribed on my heart…so that how I live my life will be a reflection of the grace He has given to me. How I deal with my failings will be a tell tale sign of how I allow Him to write my life story. My deepest prayer is that I will….with joy….hand over that pen…and give Him the go ahead ….to write away.

With Grace…Ms. O